Circus of distraction

I was sitting on the couch thinking, "I am supposed to be somewhere. I put everything in my phone, but yet I know this isn't there. If it's wedding related, it's in my paper planner. I'm in the wrong somewhere...where am I supposed to be?" I was supposed to be at Q&A with two local, but nationally reputed, doctors. And! They were serving wine. I forgot wine. I didn't know that was possible. So I e-mailed the friend I was supposed to meet and took the previously committed time to reflect. A song popped into my head,

Can I just say I wish I were that beautiful? Back to the point at hand, I have a few short days (okay weeks) of summer left and my life is going to be going full throttle, full speed ahead. Teachers report back soon and while my first year in fifth went pretty well, I want my next year to be pretty awesome. I did okay, but I know I can do better. I have worked with some amazing fifth grade teachers and fifth grade could be kinda fun in a different way from middle school. I want to rock this out! I'm reading, "Teach like a Pirate," reading my textbooks, and secretly pinning the daylights out of fifth grade things. I left my room pretty clean and organized so I kind of can't wait to get back and get to work on it.

I'm getting married in 349 days (at least that's how many days I think The Knot said when it told me to get cracking on finding a venue.) I love my fiancé and he's been amazing and understanding. This summer will be my last summer as a single lady. Don't get excited. It hasn't been full of nights out on the town, midnight margaritas, and weekly mani-pedis. 1) teacher salary and 2) teacher sleep schedule. I still turn into a pumpkin before midnight during the summer. I've been in FL spending time with my mom (who has a broken foot) and my grandma. It gave me time to earn some extra money, help out a bit, and reflect. Rock Guy proposed while we were on vacation at my favorite place in the world. Some crazy has already kicked in. We met with my former pastor about premarital counseling (exciting and scary.) My mom and I keep going back and forth about a major wedding expense: the reception. The dress that I thought I wanted, but was out of my price range has been discontinued. I just want to wear pink when I marry Rock Guy. I'm goi wedding dress shopping tomorrow. We'll see how that goes.

I'm freaking out about money. I have a thing I'd like taken care of before the Rock Guy and I marry. I see no way how to do the thing and to pay for half the wedding and not eat ramen noodle soup daily. I've been searching for ways to make extra money and the reality is: I need to sit down and have a financial come to Jesus with myself. Rock Guy knows about the thing, but I don't know if he feels like I do: it should be taken care of before we marry. I'd feel better, but I feel like Rock Guy will be like, "I love you, we'll take care of the thing together." I don't want the thing to become "The Thing" and I feel like bringing it up again will make it "The Thing." The thing is not bringing it up makes it "That Thing." Either way, it's a thing that needs addressed. I kind of want to delete this paragraph, but  that's just because I feel vulnerable. Suck it, buttercup.

Then, there's this whole other thing. Rock Guy and I are getting married and know we want kids. That means I cannot become a workaholic again. Rock Guy didn't know me then, but we wouldn't have met each other because he wasn't in my classroom and I wasn't anywhere else. I'm looking for ways to be more efficient and increase efficacy.

Then, you have faith life. I've been on vacation for a few Sundays and I feel a little disconnected faith-wise. I need a jump. I'm physically, mentally, and emotionally recharged, but not spiritually. That's on me. Everything comes out of this. It's like trying to listen to an iPod without headphones (and before built in speakers.)